Dipshit with a Ponytail

Yesterday a friend and I decided to head out to a bar to watch some football. Things started normal enough, beers were served, football was being televised.

The bar was quiet and pretty dead, aside from this Dipshit with a ponytail sitting near to us. He was about 25 years old, emo as fuck and drowning his sorrows into tallboys of PBR. He was bitching about women problems to the young attractive female bartender. Questions you’d expect a 10 year old to ask: “Why aren’t women attracted to me?” “Do you think I’ll end up alone?” and as she tried to politely console him he’d argue with her ‘No, I guarantee I’ll end up alone”. Clearly trying to gain the empathy of this bartender that was clearly not interested in him. Several times we tried to save her with small talk, and Dipshit would interrupt and continue to make the conversation about him.

At one point during OUR conversation this gal had mentioned she was from the West Coast, at which time Dipshit exclaimed ‘the West Coast fucking sucks’ and proceeded to tell us why the East Coast was far superior. His reasoning; “on the East Coast people tell you if you’re an asshole, on the West Coast they don’t say anything and pretend to be nice.” My comment to him; “how about you just not be an asshole?”.

My friend then ordered a good IPA being served on nitro. Dipshit then used this as an opportunity to make more small talk and demonstrate his vast beer knowledge with the clearly befuddled bartender. “IPA’s suck” he said, “everyone makes IPA’s and they all suck” as he then requested another PBR for his finely educated palate.

He had the bartender make him an Old Fashioned. He must have thought it was pretty good because he told the bartender that it ‘tastes like sex in my mouth’. Real charmer.

There were many more head scratchers throughout the evening, but the final rant of the evening had to do as my friend and I were discussing business amongst ourselves. He started loudly prophecizing to the bartender that “you don’t need money, money is a bunch of bullshit. Fucking people think that they need money, but what the fuck does money really buy anyway?” I looked to him and in a polite tone said “excuse me, but my friend and I are discussing my million dollar idea, and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep it down”. The bartender then came over and used her ‘mom voice’ to tell him he needed to keep it down as there was a family with small children he was offending, at which time he slammed his drink down, said ‘fine’ and left.

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